Friendshopping

Feeling Left Behind

At the beginning of this year, I told my husband, "This year, I want to make a new friend."
My friends are either too far away or have such busy lives that I’m simply not a priority for them anymore — and that’s okay. However, it was upsetting me. It was bothering me. And being ever so British, I’ve developed quite the art of not upsetting people by simply not mentioning it.

Enter Bumble for Friends

I came across a great little app called Bumble for Friends — who knew? It works much like a traditional dating app: you swipe left or right depending on whether you like what you see. You read the profile and you can actually be clear about what you’re looking for.
This was my chance: to start a new friendship on terms we both understood and agreed to.

Expectations vs Reality

In an ideal world, we wouldn’t have expectations of people; we would simply accept what they have to offer, however their lives change.
But the reality is, it can genuinely leave you feeling left behind or forgotten. Experiencing those feelings is okay — what’s not okay is stewing in them until they become attached to your sense of self worth.
(i.e. feeling like you're not good enough.)

I can talk myself into great positivity, but it’s exhausting having to remind myself, day in and day out, that I am good enough to text, to meet up with, to call in a crisis or for fun.
And I realised... I wasn’t getting that. I was always thinking about people.

The First Attempt

I’ve always put people on pedestals, trying to be endlessly accommodating, often at the expense of setting boundaries and protecting my own values in friendships. I didn’t quite realise that it’s okay to want what I want. It’s my life, after all.
Chasing people who don’t reciprocate my efforts? That’s not for me anymore.

I met one girl, B, first. She was lovely. She told me straight away she wasn’t much of a texter. I appreciated her honesty and said I would bear that in mind. We met up quickly afterwards, and I explained that I was a texter — for me, keeping in touch helps a new friendship grow.

I’m tired of being left on read, or not read at all for months. I’m tired of thinking of everyone else, sending heartfelt messages, and getting back a quick "Hope you’re well too" — no question, no real conversation, no need to reply. It's frustrating.

Fast forward with B: I noticed I was adjusting to her preferences, but mine weren't being met.
I shared my honest feelings with her. I said that a lack of contact made me overthink and feel undervalued — especially when we were still fresh as friends.
Meeting once a month, with little else in between, felt hard, like nothing was really progressing. I was also always the one initiating contact.

On top of that, B mentioned she was planning to leave London soon.
I realised: I didn’t want another friendship that would drift away before it had even properly begun.
So I politely ended it — and guess what? She understood and respected my thoughts and honesty.
We parted ways on good terms.
No expectation of hearing from her again — and it relieved me of reaching out and not hearing back.

The Filtering Process

I went back on the app and filtered through young mums, bicurious women, and the emotionally unintelligent, and found a few more people. However, some issues quickly became apparent...

• Some swiped right and then never said a word — silent admiration, I suppose?
• Some were clearly men doing that “I’ll be your friend” nonsense, only to pounce when you least expect it. Nope — block and report!
• Some were overly friendly — so much so, I imagine they burnt out quickly after friend-bombing me with endless voice notes.
• Some didn’t really know what they wanted: they already had loads of friends and no time to talk, but were still "seeing what was out there."
• Some had no time to meet anyone at all — they just wanted a pen pal. Maybe even to become a distant memory!

Nope, nope, nope — not for me.

The Wish List

So, I sat down with a piece of paper and wrote out exactly what I was looking for:

• A glamorous, working friend who dresses up and loves dinners, lunches, cocktails, coffees and pastries.
• Someone active, a similar age, and with teenagers (as I have those too).
• Someone I could share the highs and lows of my days and weeks with.
• Someone respectful and fierce.
• Someone who could teach me something — and who was just genuinely relatable.
• And importantly, someone who shares similar communication preferences.

It took some time... but I found her.
She ticks a lot of my boxes, and I’m truly grateful.
I hope I continue to tick hers.

It’s also been lovely to set out my boundaries from the start, hear hers, and swap stories about our friendship histories — a bit like sharing our dating pasts!

Choosing, Not Settling

It’s taken some time to choose a friend.

In the past, a lot of my friendships happened through convenience — and while they were lovely in their own way, I often wonder: did I really choose them?
Did I even know what I wanted in a friend?

Maybe it was a bit like dating — picking anyone just so you’re not alone.
But when you learn to be comfortable with your own company, you realise being alone isn’t so bad.
And from that place, you attract people who complement you, rather than just fill a gap.

Final Thoughts

If I hadn’t been encouraged to take this step, I’d probably still be sitting here, wondering why no one was reaching out to me.

And it’s not a case of "people are busy, why don't you check in?" — because trust me, I have spent a lifetime doing just that, and it didn’t get me very far.

I’m the type of person that if I think of you, you’ll know — because I’ll tell you.

I’m very aware that people are busy. I’m very aware that life is messy.
But I’m also aware that people need the right people around them — people who will support them, lift them, love them — and it’s okay to want and need that.

I’ve proven countless times that I can do life alone if I have to — but I don’t want to.

Just like I created my own family, I want to create meaningful, long-lasting friendships based on fun, laughter, shared memories — and cocktails!

Why was that so hard to get?